let it breath
Wednesday, April 6, 2016
Thursday, March 10, 2016
Into the wind it’ll baptize our skin till our music is tender
Adam posted this song on his blog today. He sent it to me first (benefits of being his fiance..I get all the good stuff first).
Since my last post a couple of weeks ago, it feels like we have turned a corner on the winter time sadness. The clenching panic in my chest has released a little and I am sleeping through the night again. I am experiencing feelings again like hope and my heart feels lighter. (the world isn't actually ending, weird.)
I am looking forward to summer evenings on our back patio and swimming before work in the outdoor pool at my local rec center. I am looking forward to my freckles darkening and bike rides with Adam to our neighborhood brewery. I am looking forward to sleeping with the windows open, well just keeping the windows open all of the time really.
I am looking forward to sitting on our front porch swing together (may God bless its strength) and daydreaming about our wedding in September and what is to come for us after that. I am looking forward to continuing to learn about what it means to love someone and grow a partnership with them. How that means that this person you have chosen to spend the rest of your life with comes with their own hopes (and opinions).
Tomorrow I am flying to Tucson to spend some much needed time with one of my most favorite people in the world. Sunday I will fly home and will have one hour longer of sun in the evening to greet me.
Spring is coming, and it is time to bid winter and the sadness that came with it, farewell.
Thursday, February 25, 2016
I'm wide awake, it's morning
She laid her claws all up on me. She had found me at last
Ah it woke me up early. I went and I drew me a bath
Ah, the beast was upon me, honey. I guess it wasn’t so bad
Friday, February 19, 2016
That is the summit. Savor it.
What Romance Means After Ten Years of Marriage
Thursday, February 18, 2016
2. Freedom
2 years, 2 months and 2 days ago I began slowly paying off over $14,000 in debt. That number doesn't even seem real to me. It was real though, a combination of medical bills, credit cards & payday loans. And shame, lots & lots of shame.
Meeting Adam helped motivate me to look at the debt unflinchingly, & acknowledge it without the shame. I started paying it off bit by bit. I knew I wanted it all paid off before we got married. Tonight we drove to Boulder to pay the last $82 to the library, & just like that I'm debt free.
"Thirty years ago my older brother, who was ten years old at the time, was trying to get a report written on birds that he'd had three months to write, which was due the next day. We were out at our family cabin in Bolinas, and he was at the kitchen table close to tears, surrounded by binder paper and pencils and unopened books about birds, immobilized by the hugeness of the task ahead. Then my father sat down beside him put his arm around my brother's shoulder, and said, "Bird by bird, buddy. Just take it bird by bird." - Anne Lamott
Wednesday, February 17, 2016
1- Let's begin
A new to me blogger/Internet person, who also may be getting a show on HGTV, writes a short post every day. Nothing crazy, just a few lines about her day, about recognizing the struggles and also the things to be grateful for - sometimes those are the same.
Well, I like that idea a lot, & I'm going to try to do the same during my lunch at work while I stare out my window at the city of Denver and shovel in last night's leftovers.
Yesterday:
I woke up too late and it led to a frazzled morning. It has taken me 31 years to realize I need at least 30 minutes in the morning dedicated to staring blankly at nothing while drinking coffee.
My Dad used to do this too, I remember. I always felt like I was intruding on something special of his if, I woke up early, & interrupted his quiet ritual. His eyes would be half open, and his voice deeper than usual.
Last night Adam and I rallied for a short more walk than run around our neighborhood. It was fun to be gasping next to him as we ran (shuffled) down our quiet neighborhood streets. For dinner we had an unexpectedly delicious sausage & bean stew.
I woke up early today and drank coffee while Charlie snored next to me on the couch.