This Will Be Our Year - a hope and prayer for 2016

“There are years that ask questions and years that answer.”

2015 was a year for asking questions - where are we going, are we happy in Denver, am I happy in this job, do you want to get married (!)? 

2016 is for answering a few of those I think. I won't get all the answers but I think I'll be on the right path to a few of them.  The best part though is that regardless of if I feel confused as to what direction I'm heading in, I also feel at home, as long as Adam is with me.  Home for me was never a place, since we moved so much.  Meeting and being in a relationship with Adam has helped me to realize I was missing that sense of home for a very long time.  He brought that back to me. 

I knew 2015 was going to be one of those in-between years, and 2016 feels like I am about to jump into the deep end of the pool.  When I was single and wanted to find love and meet "the person" I would tell myself that it was okay to be lonely and okay to be alone because there was some magic in not knowing the end of the story yet, not knowing how it would all work out.  You know, I was totally right. That was kind of special.  What I didn't know though, was that the story would be better than I could have ever imagined it. That I would actually meet someone so absolutely well suited for me and me for him. 2016 will be a celebration of our story continuing on into the next part of our life together. 

This fall I talked to a couple mystical types of people - while I was asking questions about jobs and my calling, they kept redirecting my attention to family and love.  They told me the career questions will be answered later, for now my focus should be on building my family with Adam and finding our home (physical/metaphorical). 

There have been years where I accomplished more (ran a half-marathon) and years where I was so terribly lost in the darkness of depression and 2015 was neither of those.  2015 was a year to build a foundation for myself and for my relationship with Adam. 

I feel as if I am at the door and looking out at a huge landscape of all that is to come.  Like I didn't know the rest of my story before I met Adam, there is so much more of our story left. I am holding those parts tucked deeply in my heart. I've learned to try and let myself be surprised by joy. 

I'm awake, I am here, and it feels good. 

lack of color

If you feel discouraged
That there's a lack of color here
Please don't worry lover
It's really bursting at the seams

This is fact not fiction
For the first time in years

You Know I Dreamed About You for 29 Years

I wanna hurry home to you

Put on a slow, dumb show for you and crack you up

So you can put a blue ribbon on my brain

God I'm very, very frightening, I'll overdo it



You know I dreamed about you

For 29 years before I saw you

You know I dreamed about you

I missed you for, for 29 years

Just looking up, amazed.

Well, it’s the way it goes like the hungry crows 
Combing the endless highway graves 
And like the drifter throws up his thumb and goes 
Hoping to find the high he craves 

And like the ocean shows us what she knows just 
Down below the waves 
When you’re both the captain calling out and the crewmen crawling out 
Just looking up, amazed 

Isn’t it always the things you try for can float just out of reach 
Just a mirage that fades out moments before breaking through the breach 

Well I guess you pick your poison, and mix the oils and 
Water like it will 
Cause it’s a drink of joys and pains and toils 
Only the lucky ones can spill 

And if you feel like running from the fate that’s coming for you 
Well you might just get in line 
When you’re both the engine turning and the sparkplugs burning out 
With just one more hill to climb 

Isn’t it always the things you try for can float just out of reach 
Just a mirage that fades out moments before breaking through the breach 
And wasn’t it fall then winter, spring then summer twenty times at least? 
And doesn’t it all feel like the perfect sunrise, but your back’s turned to the east? 

So raise your glass with me 
These days are passing us by 
No use in asking why 
Cause we’re all fastened to the mast, and 
Last I looked, we’re just casting hooks in the wind 
Like something is bound to bite 
Like the moth is bound to the lanterns light 

My Winning Streak

Through summers long and winters cold 
May you always have someone good to hold, 
And may good fortune wait on every bend, 
And may your winning streak, 
May it never end 

So, roll the dice, boy, ‘cause my money’s on you, 
Take my advice now and put your money down too, 
Because there's something in the eye you can’t pretend, 
And may your winning streak, 
May it never end 

I had my birth chart read last night by an Astrologer. It was fun and interesting, and affirmed that everything has happened/what I think will happen is right on track.  The part I loved the most, was when he said that in the past 2 years, since September of 2013 I have had a lot of "Virgo Energy" around me. I have been more of service to others during this time period, and was beginning to stake my own claim.  Then almost in the next breath he asked what sign Adam is, Virgo I said.  He laughed, well that makes sense since you met him in September of 2013. He told me about the hard times I have travelled through in the past few years and that those times are officially behind me. I am entering into a new phase, one of creativity, love, and family.  He actually used the term "wheel of fortune".  Yes, thank you, that sounds wonderful.  

He spoke to specific things my heart is longing for - the most important of those is marrying that Virgo and starting a family. Towards the end of the call he started listing different cities/places that may mean something to me - Western Germany (I lived there as a child), and then he said Chicago. He explained that it doesn't necessarily mean I should live in these places, but that good things will come to me from these places in the form of people.Oh, Adam was living in Chicago when we met,  I reply.   It seems my 'winning streak' started the day I met Adam. I whisper quietly to the Universe, thank you, thank you, thank you.